We have spent the past two months on our knees. It is amazing how quickly you can be brought to remembrance of how precious life is and how incredibly giving our Heavenly Father continues to be. It is no secret that Dallas and I have been trying to start a family. It’s been a long frustrating and heartbreaking journey over the past three years. We have become accustomed to the sadness of receiving negative results test after test. And have become even more accustomed to the sadness that follows after receiving positive results and then weeks later being crushed by miscarriages. I know there are several people that can relate since loss is so constantly prevalent in our day-to-day lives.
At the beginning of September we found out that we are pregnant again. It breaks my heart to admit that we wouldn’t allow ourselves to get excited. Immediately the fears and worry returned from the previous experiences. I love Dallas so much. I am constantly baffled as to how I ended up with someone so kind, loving, patient, and understanding. He has held me through some of the hardest weeks, trying to not feel anxious while being frightened every time I would feel a cramp. He has come home to a house full of messes and not full of food; to a crying wife worried that the worst would happen.
It is in these moments of fear that I have turned to our Heavenly Father; to ask for comfort and peace and to fill my heart with hope again, which He has done so. We have heard our baby’s heart beat (three times now), seen our baby bounce around (and I’m pretty sure, wave to me), and have felt all of the extremely “fun” symptoms that a pregnant mom feels during the first trimester.
Even though we are still very scared, I keep telling my family that it helps to know that there are people out there excited for us; so that when our fears and worry overwhelm us we still know there are people celebrating.
We have successfully made it through the first trimester, finishing up 13 weeks…further than we have made it before. Our little one is due the first week of May and we couldn’t feel more blessed.
So I apologize for our absence; for my not responding to emails, texts, and voice mails and not keeping updated on our blog. My life right now consists of sleeping, eating, and more sleeping. I should probably also try to fit in a little grocery shopping for Dallas at some point…