Musings...

Muse has been one of my favorite bands for several years now.  I remember seeing them live in concert with my little brother, Stuart, and being in awe not only by their entertainment abilities, but the power the music had over my emotions.

I feel that with everything that has happened over the past few weeks that I have constantly been in a state of "musing."  Or to quote the Webster online dictionary "to become absorbed in thought; especially to turn something over in the mind meditatively..."

I hesitate in writing personal feelings and thoughts on this blog, due to the fact that anyone and everyone can read it, but I have noticed that I've been needing an outlet, emotionally, for all the things that have been going through my mind.

Dallas and I just celebrated our two year anniversary last month and I am constantly amazed at how much I lucked out with finding him.  It was October of 2007 when I ran into him in a hallway while visiting my cousin, Greg, in Oakland, CA.  I had a boyfriend at the time and did not think much of Greg's nice roommate.  After a group date in San Francisco, I returned to my teaching job in Provo, where I received the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers from the nice accountant in California.  

Our story did not take off until a few days later.  I found out my beautiful niece, Mara, had DIPG, a rare form of brain cancer.  I remember feeling totally lost and frustrated that I wasn't closer to home, that I couldn't do anything to help, and confused as to how something like this could ever happen to our family.  My cousin told Dallas what was going on with our family and he sent the most amazing letter expressing his condolences and thoughts.  His mother had passed away a couple years before and he shared some of his experiences with me in hopes that I would find comfort.  

I wish I could put into words how much Dallas helped me over the next few weeks.  We talked on the phone almost every other day for hours; he listening to my fears and truly understanding what I was going through.  He became my best friend before we even saw each other again a month later.  

Fast forward two years, and the feelings I have for Dallas have multiplied immensely.  I am married to my best friend who takes such good care of me and loves me, even in spite of all my faults and insecurities.

June was a hard month for us.  We have been trying for over a year to start our family and things just haven't seemed to work out yet.  We found out after returning from New York that I was pregnant.  I can't express how excited we were to think that we were finally going to be parents.  Unfortunately, right before our anniversary I had a miscarriage.  We were obviously very disappointed and there was a roller coaster of emotions we both went through.  Interestingly enough, I have never felt so much love.  Dallas held me, let me cry, and once again listened to all the frustrations in my heart.  

I've realized over the last few days, that though, we continue to struggle with adding to our family, I am luckier than most.  I have an adoring husband who works hard, respects, and absolutely loves me.

How did I end up with such an amazing husband?